Q. How to tell the difference between being infatuated with someone and actually loving them?
A. Infatuation tends to include a ‘rose coloured lenses’ type effect. Its more looking at the person as if they can do no wrong or as if they are perfect, whereas being in love is more like accepting someone for their flaws and loving them anyway.
Infatuation is usually very intense, and is usually in the early part of a crush or relationship. Not that love can’t be intense, but infatuation is more consuming or overpowering. Its easier to be infatuated with someone you don’t know well, whereas I’m of the belief that you can’t be in love with someone unless you know them quite well. Infatuation is closer to a crush – there’s more of the butterfly type feelings, nervousness, excitement, obsessiveness, etc. These things can occur with love too, but you’re more likely to be more comfortable with someone you’re in love with.
That’s not to say infatuation is bad, or worse than love, it’s more like a characteristic of a very intense crush, but you can be infatuated with someone and in love with them. Unfortunately, it’s not super clean cut, what the difference is it can be quite difficult to tell – feelings are annoying that way. But I hope this helps, and that you can figure out how you feel about that person.
Q. Best advice to stop being available to someone?
A. Being available to someone who needs you I don’t see any problem in that however being available to someone who take you for granted is something you should not be doing.
I think it’s very important to remind yourself : You are the first priority in your life. People will never appreciate things they have until it’s gone, its typically for humans. You have to realize that everything you are looking for is already within you, you don’t need one person to feel happy and when he/she doesn’t appreciate it, then let her/him feel your absence. Only then they will appreciate you more and will miss you.
Distract yourself from the person and do everything you love to do. Take care of yourself, spent time with your friends/family who make you feel good or pursue your hobbies. There is so much you can do in your free time and so much you can discover. Just live your life to the fullest and don’t depend too much on somebody, otherwise you will hurt yourself.
Q. How do you become emotionally available for someone you truly care?
A. EMPATHY! empathy is key. You have to interrogate yourself and ask yourself what you desire and how you hope to be loved, and then you extend that to the person you care about, realizing that they’d like that for themselves as well. But take your time. There’s a difference between being open to growing more emotionally available and just being shut off completely without making an effort.
But remember that you’ll never truly experience the sweetness of love unless you give yourself completely to love, which takes a lot of vulnerability (being emotionally available).
Also, we may love someone but not to be good for them at this moment, because you care so much about this person, its unfair to put them in a situation whereby they’re not being reciprocated. Maybe you need time for yourself to just figure out things – deal with your traumas and the reasons why you’re not emotionally available. There’s nothing wrong with being alone and prioritizing your healing.
Q. When did you really realized that you’re an adult now?
A. When I learned that sometimes it is more important to forgive yourself. It is important to not carry this huge pile of guilt on your shoulders. Let them relax. You did your best or even more than you could have. But for now, remember when something’s gone it’s gone and that becomes your past, you don’t have to overthink that moment every time to make your present hurtful. You blame that life’s being hard on you? I agree, life is hard but then it’s only you who can make it easy. Sometimes by praying, sometimes by letting go, sometimes by being patient and sometimes by forgiving. Forgiving yourself and forgiving those who’re not supposed to be remembered. Do it not for them but for yourself. Permit yourself to stay happy and positive cause you deserve this just as much as anyone else.
Q. How to make my relationship happy and romantic just like other people’s?
A. Other people’s relationships should not be your goal. You have no idea what it took to get there, if you’re equipped to handle “there” or what “there” really looks like on a day to day basis. To reach a goal, you have to have understanding of the steps it takes to get there, as well as be able to visualize what “there” is. Your relationship goal has to be tailored to you, your needs, your boundaries, and your vision, compatible with the goals of another person. Your relationship goal should only relate to you and the other person.